*slight rant ahead*

Since there are some of you I know out there who don't appreciate cursing - and I completely respect that, and I try not to curse normally myself - I would avert my eyes from this post. This is a mark of how vexed I am with certain events that happened last night... anyway.

And yes, this is going to be wall-of-text-y. Just to warn you. It's how I rant. So no commenting on its length or style, please.

==== Some Swearing below this point ====

Okay, the context of these events is this: Last night was my last football game with the band. We made it to the playoffs, so this was the regional semifinals. We were going up against the STATE CHAMPIONS, for pete's sake, and we're a pretty young program to boot. We were hoping for anything that wasn't a blowout. And what happened was we gave the a HELL of a game. They only won because in the last two minutes they went for a field goal, making the score 31-33.

I was more than satisfied with how we did, and in some cases, happy that we wouldn't go on. For instance, the grading period had just ended, and some of my friends would not have been able to play if we'd gone on, because they would have become ineligible on Monday. So I was really happy that my last game - I'm a senior, so it really IS my last game - was with all the people I cared about. And again, we gave them a HELL of a game, and we were on the edges of our seats until the last moment, rather than spending most of the game depressed and embarrassed because we were getting pounded.

So, now we get to the part that pisses me off. I'm on the bus, having a good time chatting with my friends, then this one girl from the front of the bus - who I usually don't talk to much - along with two of her friends turns around and starts ragging on me. "Why are you so happy!? You shouldn't be happy! We LOST."

Excuse me?

Now... for personal reasons I won't mention, because it's really nobody's business, I have trouble coming up with on-the-spot replies. Suffice to say, I wouldn't make a good improv actor or anything, and I have trouble in debates or arguments; my brain just takes longer to process things. So maybe I didn't say the best things or had a kneejerk reaction that I wouldn't have had if I'd had time to think about it. And I'm sorry to her if I said anything cruel or such that I wouldn't have meant if I'd had time to think about it... But I can't say it to her right now, because right now I'm still too angry and I'd still make a botch of it, I'm sure.

But I was saying that - how does it help me to be miserable and mopey? Seriously? And frankly, I had a hell of a lot more reasons to be upset than this girl. This was her - and her friends - first year. It was my last.

The point I was trying to get across was - who the hell has ANY RIGHT WHATSOEVER to tell me how I can or can't feel? I have every right to feel however I want. And she turned around and went out of her way to attack how I was feeling. I think I might have unintentionally attacked her feelings a bit too - and I feel bad and sorry about that, and that's one of those kneejerk things I was talking about, things that I wouldn't have said or meant if I'd had time to think about it rather than shoot from the hip - but I didn't go out of my way. She could have just ignored me. She didn't have to care a bit about anything I was saying or how I was feeling.

The way she was treating me left me feeling worse than anything that had happened in the game, and as my friend was comforting me - I was nearly in tears by that point - I couldn't help but wonder to this girl: Is this what you wanted? For me to feel as miserable as you? Is that really what you wanted?

Nobody, I repeat, NOBODY has the right to try and make other people feel miserable just because they THEMSELVES are miserable. It's sick, it's selfish, and it's cruel. And it's a jerkass thing to do.

Now we get to the second point of my rant.

I mentioned to this girl how the way she was treating me was making me feel worse than anything about the game, and her response was "Well you shouldn't feel bad about what I'm saying! I'm just a freshman, and you're a senior!"

Do NOT even go there.

Oh, I know all about the senior superiority complex. And I think it is the most stupid bit of shit to walk the face of this earth. Being a senior does not give me the right to be an asshole: to not care about anybody or anything just because I have this idiotic notion that they're "beneath" me.  And even if it did, I would NOT use it. Because I think that people in general should be treated with respect.

Point being, if I choose to ignore what you're saying, it's because I don't think it's worth my time, not because you're a freshman or I'm a senior.

But seriously! The fact that she ADVOCATED me acting like an asshole, that she advocated me being an asshole to HER, seriously? There is NO way that that is not self-deprecating? Does she not have any self-respect? Or does she want me to give her an excuse villify me?

Ugh... all of this just pisses me off so much... I don't get it. I really don't...

===== Swearing ends here =====

Anyway, my favorite time of the year is coming, and so long as I don't drown in AP English Lit essays, hopefully I will be full of Christmas cheer soon enough.

And as for last night, don't worry too much. With the help of my friends, I bounced back. I love my friends so much.

Hoping you all are doing well!

Gorsecloud